You Ruined Me
by MarieVincent
Summary: My first published fanfic. I don't owns glee or the characters involved or the song
1. Chapter 1

I do not own any of the characters involved in the story or the song my the Veronica's.

song lyrics are in italics

Flashbacks are in bold

"So guys has anyone prepared a song for today?" Shue bounces in as he always does. Him and his gel infested hair. Eugh he makes me sick. The only reason I'm here is because Britt gave me those puppy dog eyes and like Santana I can't say no to her, even with our 'careless' personalities

So I'm sitting here, head down bouncing my dr martens off the chair. Trying so hard not to let my mind drift to the last time I was here. I try so hard not to look at her but my eyes travel straight to her. I've always been drawn to her ever since I first laid eyes on her. She's different though, withdrawn, quiet and it's all my fault. I broke a star, her light has gone out, dulled from a raging fire to a meek Amber. I broke her heart like I do to anyone I get close to.

"Come on guys! Someone has to have something for me. I gave you the assignment last week and only kurt, Blaine, Santana and Brit have performed. Someone? Anyone?" I don't even bother to look at him, I mean I quit this merry band of misfits. I'm not the same person I was. Neither is she; I broke her.

"Ru Paul, you must have something. Just sing so Brit and I can get our Mack on" Santana hisses at Rachel's back. I have to hold back my anger at her words. No one knows about us. Ha us? There is no us anymore. I made sure of that.

"Rachel? Do you have something prepared?" Shue asks exasperated. She just sighs. All eyes are on her. I can see how her back rises taking in a deep breath, I can imagine her plastering on her smile that should light up the room. It would have if it were real.

"Yes, I guess I do. Erm... Brad if I could please use the piano" she asks rising from her chair. As she sits on the piano stool, her eyes bounce around the room, they find me. She smiles the smallest of smiles. The smile reserved for when she's trying to hold back the tears threatening to fall and my heart shatters. I recognise the song straight away. I want to run but I'm glued to my chair. The guilt of ruining her holding me down like an anchor.

 _Job well done_

 _Standing ovation_

 _Yeah you got what you wanted_

 _I guess you won_

 _And I don't want to hear, they don't know you like I do_

 _Even I could've told you_

 _But now we're done_

I don't know how we got to this point. Well I do. I fucked up. I ruined the only good thing in my life; her. My mind can't help but flash back to all the times I ordered slushys to be thrown at her. All the times I called her horrible names. All the times she smiled at me through her tear stained eyes because of how horrible I was to her. That was all before. Before Beth. Before getting kicked out by my parents. Before she helped me. Before I realised how much I cared for her.

 _'Cause you play me like a symphony_

 _Play me till your fingers bleed_

 _I'm your greatest masterpiece_

 _You ruin me_

 **She found me one evening in the choir room strumming on one of the guitars kept here. I wasn't meaning to play any song. I just didn't want to go home. Home, it wasn't my home. Home went from being with my mother and father to staying in pucks basement on a pull out bed. I didn't even hear the door open. The choir room became everyone's sanctuary at one time or another; kurt when karofsky and azimio Was bullying him. Santana and Britt when they were trying to work out what exactly their sleeping with each other meant. Finn when he thought he was going to be a dad to my baby. Puck when**  
 _ **he**_ **realised he was going to be dad. Mercedes when she joined the Cheerios and she was called fat. Rachel through every part of hell we put her through. And now me. I didn't mean to start playing any particular song but She started singing, God her voice is just so relaxing. I often wondered how such a big voice could come from such a little person. Once the song was ended I looked up at her with tear stained eyes and she just smiled at me. I didn't mean to break down, especially in front of her. "Quinn... I know we've certainly had our differences but I want you to know that I, well I care for you. I'm here for you.." She trailed off. It wasn't the first time she offered but it was the first time I took heed. When she realised I wasn't going to tell her to go away she took a tentative step closer to me and wrapped her arms around me. As hard as I tried to stop the tears from falling, it didn't work. I was so tired of, well everything.**

 _Later when the curtains drawn_

 _And no one's there for you back home_

 __

 _Don't cry to me you played me wrong_

 _You ruin me_

She was there for me for everything, when Mrs Puckerman decided it was best for me to leave she offered me the spare bedroom in her house. I had been spending more and more time over at her house, the first meeting her dads had been awkward but they quickly took to me. Starting to treat me as one of their own. As much as we had grown closer over the last month I couldn't take her up on the offer. Not after everything I put her through over her high school years. She had on so many occasions told me she forgave me but I couldn't help the guilt I held for everything. So with the savings I had left, she helped me find somewhere to live by myself. On the first night as I lay in bed I couldn't help but miss her company. I just lay in bed wide awake, my mind sifting through all the nights we fell asleep on her bed watching old movies, all the nights she held me as I cried over what I was going to do with Beth, all the nights we would laugh till tears ran down our faces. I never had a proper friend before I mean sure I was popular but I never had someone I could confide in; Santana was more a frenenemie and Britt bless her soul could not keep a secret to save her life.

 **I looked over at the bedside sighing when I realised it was gone 2am. These thoughts were just infiltrating my every being but I needed sleep, not just for me but for Beth. Just as I went to get resettled my phone started ringing Rachel's personalised ring tone. "Hey rach, is everything okay?" I asked after clearing my throat. "Forgive me Quinn, I know just how important sleep is for the body especially when you are carrying a baby but even though I went to bed at an adequate time, factoring in my night regime of skin products as well as considering the time that... " I honestly didn't mean to laugh but I didn't realise just how much I missed her in the few hours that we were apart "I'm sorry rach I didn't mean to laugh honestly. I wasn't asleep so don't worry about it what's up?" "Well I um, I just realised that it's the first night we haven't talked or been together at night and I guess well iguessijustmissedyou" those butterfly's were reeking havoc in my stomach at her confession. "I er I missed you too rach" I could hear the smile in her voice as she asked "oh good. Do you think we could stay on the phone then? Just until we fall asleep" "yeah sure" as I start to drift off I could hear her breath even out. My brain too exhausted to worry about what all this meant.**

 _I know you thought_

 _That I wouldn't notice_

 _You were acting so strange_

 _I'm no that dumb_

 _And in the end I hope she was worth it_

It all changed one day. We went from being best friends to something more. At first it was just quick glances, I would catch myself looking at her lips as she spoke. Then it evolved into dreams, dreams that would make me wake up blushing and unable to look her in the eye for hours. How did this happen? How did I fall for my once enemy? it all got too much for me to hide and I broke down to her. I spilt my feeling for her to see and she smiled at me. She took my hand and told me that she felt the same. And God when she kissed me, my legs almost gave way. Nothing ever felt so good, kissing puck or Finn didn't even come close. For those two months everything was perfect. We had decided it best not tell anyone at school including the gleeks because of the splash back that might happen to us both, being pregnant I was not in a place that I could protect us from our class mates. We were taking our time with each other and it was amazing. She was so patient and understanding with me and my pregnancy hormones. She loved me, baby bump and all. She would drive over to my apartment at two in the morning just to deliver my bacon icecream that my body craved, she would console me as I cried about how fat I had gotten she was my rock and I loved her with all my being.

When Beth came into this world my life changed, I closed myself off. This life I brought into the world had to go away. I cried for days, Rachel tried her best to console me but nothing worked. Days turned into months and I just pushed her further and further away. She would call text email im everything and I just ignored her. My little apartment that had been home was trashed, my hair got cut off in a fit of anger, alcohol filled nights led to countless piercings and countless 'conquests'. I did everything I could to distract me from the pain of my baby being gone.

 **The door of my flat banged early one morning waking my from my drunken sex filled slumber. Knowing the I had lapsed on this months payment of rent I just ignored it figuring it was my landlord. All of a sudden I see her standing at the end of my head holding back the tears at the sight of me naked in bed with someone else. She didn't scream or shout and I couldn't move. I could see her chest heaving, trying to hold back the sobs threatening to fall from her mouth. She didn't move, I was paralysed. She looked me in the eyes and I could see her heart break, "I... " I didn't know what to say I pulled my tip on from the floor and went to walk towards her. I think that's what broke her out of shock, and she darted out of the room slamming to door shut behind her. What had I done?!**

I _don't care if you loved me, you make me numb_

 _'Cause you play me like a symphony_

 _Play me till your fingers bleed_

 _I'm your greatest masterpiece_

 _You ruin me_

 __

 _Play me when the card's drawn_

 _And no one's there for you back home_

 _Don't cry to me you played me wrong_

 _You ruin me_

 _We're that song you wouldn't sing_

 _Just a broken melody_

 _You're killing me_

 _You play me like a symphony_

 _Play me till your fingers bleed_

 _I'm your greatest masterpiece_

 _You ruin me_

 _And later when the curtains drawn_

 _And no one's there for you back home_

 _Don't cry to me you played me wrong_

 _You ruin me_

Her voice drifts off, I can see the tears falling and I can't stop myself from getting up, following her as she quickly excuses herself. Totally ignoring all the inquisitive glances we were getting from our team mates. As I walk out the door I hear Santana's voice "what the fuck was that?!"


	2. Chapter 2

So here's chapter two. Again I don't own any of the characters and all the mistakes are my own.

A week is only 7 days, 168 hours, 10080 minutes but this past week feels like it has gone on forever. After running out after Rachel, hunting for her in all of the places I thought she'd go to for comfort I had no luck. I don't even know what I would say to her if I found her, how do I make it up the one person that's ever meant anything to me? I fucked up royally.  
Knocking on the front door to her dads house for the third time today I braced myself for what I would have to face from which ever dad opened the door to me.  
"Quinn... please you need to stop. She doesn't want to see you." Hiram sighs as soon as he realises it's me. I can't really blame him, I can only imagine what state Rachel was in when she came home. I don't even know if they knew about us  
"Mr Berry... I just. I need to know if she's okay. I just want to talk to her I know I messed up. I just... I don't know..."  
I hang my head out of shame for hurting my star, the brightest part of my life. The tears just fall, they don't seem to have stopped since she sang to me.  
My eyes are in a constant state of irritation from crying, smoking and drinking. My answer can't be found in the bottom of a bottle, in the amber of a joint or in the rivers that flow so freely from my eyes. I had perfected this illusion over the years of being a Fabray but her haunted voice, her tear stained cheeks, her watery smile broke me.  
Her dad stepped towards me closing the door behind him. The smell of his aftershave making me cry more, it was such a comforting smell at the beginning of all of this now it just reminds me of all the memories that I have tainted with my fuck up.  
"Quinn honey please just go home. I don't know exactly what happened between you two but she's not ready to hear what you have to say. She's not ready" he draws me in to a tight cuddle rubbing his hand up and down my back comfortingly. "Give her time, just give her time to calm down. She holds so much love for you, it will all work out love I'm sure of it" he is trying so hard to comfort me, to reassure me but it's just making me cry harder. How can he care so much for someone who has hurt his daughter? I don't deserve his love. Taking in a deep breath I steady myself sniffing back the tears and take a step back.  
"I understand mr berry, can you just pass on a message to her please? Can you tell her I will never stop, that I'm back and I'm not going to mess up again?" He nods his head slightly as I wipe the tears away that have stained my cheeks and start walking away to my beetle. I need to prove to her I am still the person she fell in love with. As much as I hate it I'm a Fabray; there isn't many things that I can take from growing up with Russel and Judy however we are a determined bunch. I will win back my star, even if it's the last thing I do.


	3. Chapter 3

Here's chapter three. Again don't own any of the characters or music included

"Q what the fuck is going on with you and berry?!" Santana harshly whispered to me as she walked up to the table I was occupying in the library. I can't help but smirk at the fact the she whispered, it's a little known fact that big bad bitchy Santana is scared to the librarian, (Santana says it's because she reminds her of Mrs Trunchball from Matilda) "stop fucking smirking q before I smack it off your face" I can see the tell tell sign it's an empty threat, it's all in the twinkle in her eyes.

"Nothing's going on Santana" I shrug looking down at the table. How am I meant to tell my best frenemy that I had a whole other part of me that she knew nothing about?

"Don't give me that shit Fabray! that song and those tears mean something has fucking been happening and I gots to know what?!"

"Seriously Lopez leave it alone" I raise my eyebrow HBIC style in hopes that she'll drop it.

"Come on Quinn, that shit don't work anymore. Look..." San takes a deep breath "I know we've kinda been shitty best friends to each other but you're still my girl and I have your back for anything. I wasn't a good friend to you through your pregnancy with the littlest fabray, I should have been there for you. It's no excuse but I was going through some shit at home and then with britts. But I'm trying here, I'm trying to be a better friend. Don't look so shocked q Britt makes me a better person. Plus if you tell anyone I'm all mushy I'll go all Lima heights adjacent on your ass" just the mention of my little angel makes my eyes fill with tears. "Please Q let me be there for you. I can see you're hurting"

"Who are you and what have you done with Santana Lopez?" I ask wiping my eyes. She just smiles as me, no smirk or hidden agenda behind her eyes. She looked like the girl I befriended at cheer camp before freashman year, like the girl who beat the shit out of the kids that were bullying Britt on the first day of high school. She looked like my friend that I'm not ashamed to admit I cried over losing. "Okay look ill tell you but only if you help me. While I was pregnant..." I start telling her the whole story of me and Rachel. The bell to signal lunch had come and gone and she didn't move except to text Britt to meet us in the library mid story. When I had finished tears were welling up her eyes, while they freely fell from britts and mine.

"You're just like Santana Q. You shouldn't be scared to be a unicorn. We can be part of a herd together, SAN and me and you and rachy. Just like manny, sid and Diageo" Britts innocence brings a smile to my face. She jumps up and gives me one of her bone crushing hugs but I don't stop her. apart from not being able to say no to Britt I've missed her. I've missed my unholy trinity.

"Fuck q that's some messed up bull shit. How's this bitch that you cheated on berry with? She go to this school?"

"No san she's just someone I met at a bar. She's a nobody" I shake my head. I dread to think what Santana would do to the girl especially because she's the head cheer bitch. She like to bully people but she's protective of all the kids in glee... well with the exception of Finn. "So yeah now you know. I fucked up and lost the only good thing I have left in my life. Kinda at a lose of what to do because rach refuses to talk to me, look at me, even acknowledge my existence"

"Okay right the only way I see it is you have to change q. Berry is a forgiving person. She forgave you for all the shit you put her through while you were head cheerleader because you showed her you could be more than that you had changed so this is what we do..."


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

 **So sorry guys for this being so late. Life has just been a bit hectic but isn't it always right? Anyway so here is the latest chapter. As always i do not own any other the characters. Poems are in italics and quints notes to rachel are in bold.**

Santana's plan was quite simple really; return back to who i was before. When i say it was simple it seemed simple to her, why couldn't i just compartmentalise all the bullshit I'm carrying on my shoulders, and come back to the HBIC who got what she wanted when she wanted it. After reading my wardrobe and throwing out most of my clothes both old and new, Britt and her died my hair back to blonde. "Q i love the cut but that colour looks like the Teletubbies threw bowls of tubby custard over your head. what? don't look at me like that Britt likes watching the stupid british kiddie show. i mean who in their right mind thought that bullshit show up?! theres a baby face in the god damn sun for fuck sake!"

I didn't really put up a fight, i mean Rachel was my all i would do anything to gather black so if that meant re-reinventing myself that what i would do. We went shopping, i wanted to scrap the whole Sunday school girl look and Santana was just happy to get a chance to warp at a half naked Britt in the changing rooms. 5 hours later, countless shops and dozens of bags later we were walking through my front door totally exhausted. "San next time can we just order the shit online i swear i haven't been this tired since cheer camp last summer." She just grunts in response to me, reaching for the left over pizza from last night.

While Santana and i look like we have just rolled out of bed, Britt is dancing around my coffee table to no music. Theres no one in the world like our Britt, she's almost too pure for this shitty world. "Q, so now that you have a whole new wardrobe how are you gonna get Rach to give you sweet lady kisses again? Because she looked like how i look when San told me that Lady Tuppinton went to the cat farm in Oklahoma." See what i mean? she has such an innocence.

"I dunno to be honest Britt, I fucked up. like massively. I don't know where to begin" A sense of dread takes me over. How could i ever think that i would be able to win her back? Especially after how i treated her, what she walked in on. how could i like a change in clothes and a hair colour could salvage what we had, the best thing in my life had been broken by my stupidity, my selfishness. i start pacing biting my bottom lip raw.

"Q calm the fuck down!" San grips me hard by my shoulders shaking me a little to break my inner melt down. "i get that you messed up with man… i mean berry but you need to get your head out of your arse and get it together!" I take a deep breath in.

"okay, so missing smashing berry is a go!" Britt screams bouncing over to us. "heres what we have to do…"

—

We start small, little unicorn acts of kindness as Britt calls it. I stop smoking, drinking, change my clothes to a happy medium between good catholic girl and rebel child. I pair my shirt dresses with a leather (faux leather of course) jacket and vans. Im basically a walking poster for skater girl gone good. The numerous piercings i got in my ears and nose stay but the dark bold studded rings are replaced with simple silver studs.

The acts of kindness begin with leaving vegan cookies in rachel's locker; don't ask me how but santana managed to get the combination for rach's locker from the office. "don't ask questions you don't want to know the answers to Q, plausible deniability" San just shrugs and picked imaginary lint from Britts shoulder. Weeks went by and she still couldn't look at me, i tried talking to her in glee and she just ignored me. I sent her flowers every day, placed little notes in her locker and there was no acknowledgment; there was just silence and thats what killed me the most. She hasn't screamed, sworn, slapped me even. She just looks right through me.

"Look Q the cookies and flowers are not working, its not you. its not you trying to win back your woman. You need to be the person that she fell in love with. Try singing to her, writing her some poetry. something personal. you can get your star back. Lord Tuppinton says that a falling star is the plants falling from the sky you know. i swear he has been watching san and me getting our mac on" God bless Britt.

Not many people know that i am quite a literary nerd; give me a classic book by one of the bronte sisters and ill be quite happy. I can sit there and argue about the meanings behind the words poets put in their stanza. Im not a writer but I'm sure the classics won't mind if i borrow their words to win back my girl.

 **DAY 1**

 _She walks in beauty, like the night  
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;  
And all that's best of dark and bright  
Meet in her aspect and her eyes;  
Thus mellowed to that tender light  
Which heaven to gaudy day denies_

 _One shade the more, one ray the less,_

 _Had half impair'd the nameless grace_

 _Which waves in every raven tress,_

 _Or softly lightens o'er her face;_

 _Where thoughts serenely sweet express_

 _How pure, how dear their dwelling-place._

 _And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,_

 _So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,_

 _The smiles that win, the tints that glow,_

 _But tell of days in goodness spent,_

 _A mind at peace with all below,_

 _A heart whose love is innocent!_

 _Lord Byron_

 ** _I never admit how i felt about you for so long. I loved you from the first moment i set eyes on you i just didn't understand. You are too amazing for this world Rachel. my little star. you are going to shine so brightly on the broadway stages, you have a pure talent that is unmatched by anyone in this world. I love you rachel berry. with all my being, with all my soul. and i will spend the rest of my life trying to make up from the mistakes i made. Im not asking for you to forgive me straight away, i just want to show you that you make me want to be a better person. you make me whole. I hope i get the chance to make it up to you my little star. yours forever Quinn_**

We had a meeting for Glee before school, I'm hoping she's read my note before coming here. As she walks in my breath gets stuck in my throat. God i love that girl. She looked at me. face blank except from a few tears filling her eyes. I stand to go over to her but she takes one step back shaking her head. next thing i know her fake smile is plastered on her face and she takes her seat at the front of the group ready for whatever bullshit Shue is going to try and teach us today. I suppose at least she's acknowledged me. its better than nothing right?


End file.
